


Wake Up and Come Into the Light

by Care



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Care/pseuds/Care
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly breaks up with him on the fifteenth of April.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake Up and Come Into the Light

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally published on Livejournal in December 2006.](http://office-fanworks.livejournal.com/184928.html)

Kelly breaks up with him on the fifteenth of April. They're standing by her car in the parking lot because she likes it when he waits for her if the two of them are pulling in at the same time, and she looks like she's been crying and he gets that squirmy feeling in his stomach, so he asks what's wrong.

It turns out to be the wrong thing to say, because she bursts into tears and tells him that she went to her parents' house on Saturday night and there was this Indian guy there, the son of a friend's, and they hit if off right away. Ryan's unsure whether it's possible to even "hit it off" with Kelly, but there are things you don't say. Plus, his ears are kind of buzzing now and he feels like he's going to be sick and he hopes it's not because of Kelly, because, _fuck_. 

He remembers that there was a tulip growing in front of his apartment today. It was pink, and it was the first tulip he's seen all year.

"Ryan, are you _listening_ to me?" Kelly says. "I _said_ I'm sorry, but -- "

"Yeah," he says, cutting her off. "It's been fun, right?"

She sort of twists her mouth. "Ryan -- "

"Just, you know, don't worry about it." He finds his identification badge in his coat pocket and clips it onto his lapel for the first time in months. It still says _Ryan Howard, Temporary Employee_. He should get that changed. But that would require talking to Dwight, or worse, Michael. Maybe he can get Jim to do it.

Kelly looks at him. "You know you don't have to wear those, right?"

He kind of sighs. "Yeah, Kelly, I know."

**

The heater in Ryan's car isn't quite working. It's been not quite working all winter long and he kept meaning to get it fixed. It's not really cold outside anymore, but he waits for the air to warm slightly anyway. He has some canned Campbell's chicken noodle in a plastic bag on the passenger seat and he takes one out. There's a slightly soggy turkey-and-tomato sandwich in his pocket, but he not sure if he feels like eating it.

He remembers taking his little brother and his friends to see _A Goofy Movie_ when it came out in high school, and he's always wondered since then if you can heat canned soup in your car. But he's not exactly willing to try, so he kind of just runs his finger along the rim and feels dust prickle against his skin.

"Ryan?"

He glances up and it's Pam at his window, one hand on the roof of his car, bending down so she can look at him. He debates ignoring her for a second before giving in and rolling down the glass.

"I'm on my lunch break," he says by way of greeting.

"Yeah, I know. Me too," she says.

"In your car?" he asks.

Pam flushes and there's a hard look in her eyes. "Why not?" she shoots back defensively. "You're in _your_ car."

He shrugs. "Fair enough."

She straightens and he notices the brown paper bag she has in her other hand. Lunch, he supposes, and doesn't care enough. Instead he just feels vaguely irritated -- like, what the hell? He's in his car. Does he need a DO NOT BOTHER sign too?

"Well, I'll talk to you later," she says after a pause.

"Later," he echoes, and rolls up the window.

Ryan discovers that some pieces of his bread are completely wet, and when he chews it tastes like plastic. He eats as fast as he can and spends the rest of his break listening to the radio and hating himself.

It's pretty normal.

**

By the end of the week, it's warm enough outside to eat at the picnic table. He brings leftover Chinese to work and puts it in the refrigerator. Mid-morning, he discovers that Dwight has his own mysterious Tupperware container touching Ryan's. Ryan moves his to the top shelf and hopes it's still edible. Kung Pao chicken and sesame noodles are pretty good cold, so. It'd be a waste to toss them.

He's thinking about getting his bathroom retiled when Pam rounds the corner. He slurps up a noodle, lips pursed. She sits down across from him, and he wishes she would ask before she did things like that, but it's not like it's his table or anything. So he just watches her unpack her salad and yogurt. Boring.

"The weather's nice, huh?" she says, stabbing a lettuce leaf.

He feels good about his cold Chinese. "Yeah."

"You eat here often?" she asks.

"When I'm not in my car," he says. He realizes after he says it that she might laugh at him, but whatever. It's true.

Pam just nods. "Yeah."

They eat in silence until Ryan's down to the last of his chicken pieces, and Pam's scraping her plastic spoon along the bottom of her yogurt cup.

"I'm sorry about you and Kelly," she says.

He looks at her. As far he knows, Kelly hasn't told anyone, which is shocking. And it's not like he's going to make an announcement that he's been dumped by Kelly Kapour. So he just continues to look at Pam.

"She stopped coming to see you at your desk," she points out. "Or talking to you in the break room. It's just -- the little things. People notice."

"At least Michael hasn't," Ryan mutters.

"He probably never knew that you and Kelly were together."

"We weren't, um, together," he says, awkwardly. Because they were. Just not technically. Well, in his mind.

Pam sort of frowns. "Okay." And stuffs her empty yogurt container into her paper bag, crumples her napkin. "See you inside."

"Cool," he says to the table, the knife-etched heart that says EVAN + AOIFE. He doesn't even know how to pronounce Aoife, but he thinks it must be stupid anyway.

**

Kelly forgets her copy of _Titanic_ in his apartment, and he puts it on Saturday night before he can stop himself. He drinks five beers before Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet have sex in the back of the car, and falls asleep on his couch.

He wakes up and the title menu is playing, the light flickering over his face. He fumbles for the remote and turns off the TV, sits in the dark and wonders where he thought he was going to be ten years ago.

Not here, that's for certain. Ryan takes a deep breath and rolls over on the couch, closes his eyes while pressing his nose into the cushions.

**

On Monday he eats lunch with Pam again.

Two slices of cold pizza instead of Chinese.

Things don't really change.

**

"You want to come over and watch a movie tonight?" Pam asks him on Friday. She has her head bent over her sandwich, fingers tearing off the crusts.

He nearly chokes on his root beer and coughs for a while.

"Well?" she gives him a sideways glance.

"Why?" Ryan asks.

"I don't know," she says, shrugging. "Do you have anything else to do?"

"No," he admits.

"There you go." She piles up the pieces of crust in the middle of the table, careful. Ryan's not sure that he can remember Pam ever being this forthright. It's kind of strange, but she's been doing things differently this past year.

He's thinking of ways to say no, practice from when he was still dating Kelly, and comes up with nothing. "Um. Okay."

"You can follow me home," she says. "It's not far."

"Sure," he replies, and wonders if this is a date.

"This isn't a date or anything," Pam states, like she's read his mind.

Ryan blushes. "I didn't think -- "

She fiddles with a button on her cardigan, and he's reminded of the old quiet Pam, back when she was with Roy. "I'm not trying anything."

He thinks about how Jim and Karen were discovered kissing in the break room yesterday morning. "Yeah. You're not."

**

He has to wait for Pam while she finishes up her faxes, one foot tucked around the other as she leans her weight into her right elbow. The sheets of paper in the machine go slowly, though Ryan used to think that they'd go shuck-shuck-shuck, but, well, it's stupid. Jim comes by to grab his jacket and hovers uncertainly by reception, shooting Ryan a curious look. Ryan notes that jealousy is not a good look for Jim, and has to bite the words back.

"Goodnight, Pam," Jim says. Ryan wonders where Karen is.

"G'night, Jim," she says absently, and doesn't look up.

There is another moment of hesitation when Jim nods to Ryan, and takes a step backwards before twisting on his heel and leaving. The door clicks shut and Pam jabs a button on the machine, makes a face.

"I'm almost done," she chirps, smiling.

Ryan thinks he should have said no to her. He shouldn't spend time with people from work anymore. It's sucking him into the Dunder-Mifflin quagmire. But instead he taps his fingers against her desk and nods, "Okay."

**

"I have _The Princess Bride_ or _Garden State_. Which one do you want to see?"

Pam's sofa is lumpy, unlike his, which now has drool stains in the corner where his mouth usually is. He shifts to get comfortable, leans back a little. She should get a new sofa sometime, but he doesn't suppose receptionists are paid very much. Ryan thinks that maybe Roy got the good couch, for compensation.

" _Garden State_ ," he says, remembering Diwali. He never watches _Scrubs_ anymore, not since his life became too depressing.

"Have you seen it?" Pam asks. "Most people have."

"More people have seen _The Princess Bride_ ," he points out. He hasn't seen an indie movie since he started dating Kelly, but he's pretty sure that he's seen every chick-flick that's been released in that almost yearlong duration.

"True." She presses play on the remote control and sits down next to him, too close, their knees touching.

Ryan takes a very slow sip from his glass of water as the movie starts.

**

"Kelly's sisters told me I look like Zach Braff." His left hand is curled around the beer bottle as he leans back against the couch. "Well, they didn't tell me exactly, because I couldn't understand what they said -- except for Zach Braff."

Pam tilts her head back. Her ponytail brushes his thigh. She's sitting on the floor now, and her eyes are glassy. "You kind of look like Zach Braff."

"You're drunk," he says to her, but he's tipsy too.

"So are you," she says back, and giggles.

It is pretty funny, and if he weren't so tired, then he'd laugh with her. As it is, he's worried about when he's going to go home. He closes his eyes and hums, something, he's not sure what. The tune just comes. He feels a touch against his knee and opens his eyes again. Pam's hand is rubbing his slacks.

Ryan pushes her hand off, a little roughly. "Stop."

But she gets up then and crawls onto him, sloppily, straddling his lap and her eyes are dark and mean. He's still holding his beer, but his free hand goes to her waist so she doesn't suddenly topple off. Not that he wants this or anything.

"Just shut up, Ryan," Pam murmurs, mouth hovering close. He can taste her breath.

She kisses him and it's messy, not really good at all, but he kisses her back anyway, with tongue, and she sort of gasps and digs her hips against him. He's getting hard beneath her, and he arches up slightly. He can't really believe he's kissing Pam in her living room, with her sketches on the walls, and drunk.

"We shouldn't," he starts, but her lips touch the spot right underneath his jaw.

She brushes her hair back and sits up. "Look, we both need it." Her cheeks are pink and so it so is the very tip of her nose.

He doesn't say anything back, and she goes back to giving him a hickey that will be too high to hide, and he just sort of groans.

**

It's not startling to see Pam naked, but his glimpses of her skin are hampered by her fingers, her fingers slipping to unbuckle his belt, tugging his pants down. He reaches a hand to touch her, but she just pulls off his boxers, and then it's pretty clear what she wants. He thrusts a little into her hand and scrambles to be over her.

Ryan's pretty sure he's never been this hard for Kelly, and that's weird too. He can almost admit to himself now that he actually liked her at times.

Pam says she's on the pill, even though it's pretty clear that she hasn't had sex in a while, and he briefly wonders if she thought she and Jim were going to -- anyway, he takes the condom she offers him and tears it open with his teeth. She looks like she wants to help him roll it on, but he turns and does it himself. She lies back on her bed, the moonlight catching a strip of her pale stomach, and it glows white.

He slides into her, hard, and she makes this strangled noise in the back of her throat, fingernails digging into his sides, and he starts up a rhythm that's fast. His intention isn't to last long. He's not sure how close Pam is, but she was slick going in, so he thinks that maybe she'll come soon.

He thinks about the tulip again, the pink one in front of his building. It's been doing pretty well; he's even seen another one growing next to it.

When he comes, he's not sure what to say, so he doesn't. His body shudders and goes still, and Pam bites his shoulder. He doesn't know if she's come or not, but he pulls out anyway, lies down next to her. Their breathing even out and quiet.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks, voice so soft that he thinks she's reverted back to her receptionist self.

Ryan stares up at her ceiling. There's a crack. He smiles.

"I think I'm going to quit," he says.


End file.
